15 July 2008
shaking my fist at the heavens
why oh why oh why do things happen "for a reason". How to "reason" that Linda's stroke is "purposeful" and not just random. What kind of "lesson" is to be learned here? How is this lesson helpful for Linda? How is a person's physical pain & suffering any kind of "God only gives you what you can handle" crap? I went to the hospital again last night (it's been my ritual, after work visit). Linda is off the respirator & on lower dosage of sedation. So she was awake periodically. And I have to say, selfishly, that it was alot easier to pretend she was just sleeping when I visited the other times. Last night I had to liken her wakeful behavior to that of inebriation. It's hard to see, hard to be there, to talk to her. It's easier to pretend she's drunk than to actually think about the converse truth; that she's had a freaking massive stroke & she won't ever be exactly who she was before. How is it "that which doesn't kill you only makes you stronger"? WTF??? How is this better than death? How is this going to make Linda a stronger person? WTF.
I've been here before. It's like deja vu. My great aunt Dee Dee had a stroke when I was about 11 or 12. But she was old -elderly. It was difficult then to deal with. The lack of communication, the lack of self-sufficiency. The look in her eyes that she was STILL there, but trapped inside her head; that she wanted to talk, to move, to do, but she couldn't.
And now my friend has come to this same fate, but she's so much younger. So much the more reason to question the "purpose" behind this happening.
Again, I'm at a loss for words.
I've been here before. It's like deja vu. My great aunt Dee Dee had a stroke when I was about 11 or 12. But she was old -elderly. It was difficult then to deal with. The lack of communication, the lack of self-sufficiency. The look in her eyes that she was STILL there, but trapped inside her head; that she wanted to talk, to move, to do, but she couldn't.
And now my friend has come to this same fate, but she's so much younger. So much the more reason to question the "purpose" behind this happening.
Again, I'm at a loss for words.
13 July 2008
leaps and bounds
I measure the girls' heights every so often, usually when they "look" taller, if you know what I mean. So on the 3rd, Maddie looked a bit taller -and she was about a 1/2 inch taller than on her birthday the month before. Of course the littles insist on also being measured. Fi was about a 1/2 inch taller too. Lib had no change since February. This past Friday the 11th, Lib slept until 11:30 a.m., no kidding. When she woke up, she was 1 & 1/2 inches taller!!!! No kidding!
Last night Fi crawled in bed with me & she threw her leg up over me. Her foot "felt bigger". This morning, her hand felt bigger in mine. She IS a 1/2 inch taller!
One morning a couple weeks ago, Maddie was in the shower & her feet looked bigger. Her feet have looked a bit smallish for her body for some time. Sure enough, NONE of her shoes fit except her Crocs. It looked like her feet had grown about 2 -2 1/2 sizes -overnight! She immediately went out to the garage to raid Snick's stash of shoes; found a pair of flats & a pair of cons. Both were only about 1/2 size too big! Her previous shoes were size 3 1/2 & 4. You know what we'll be buying next month for school. And she's outgrown most of her clothes too. She skipped right over size 12 & is into size 14 now. And NOTHING at Old Navy fits. It was a blow to her self esteem. She refused to try on junior's clothes. How to make a self-conscious pre-teen understand that it's not HER, it's the store that caters to only a certain (slim) body type. The ONLY bottoms that fit her are from Target & Gap...and we've tried EVERY store, every style, every brand. Seriously.
Last night Fi crawled in bed with me & she threw her leg up over me. Her foot "felt bigger". This morning, her hand felt bigger in mine. She IS a 1/2 inch taller!
One morning a couple weeks ago, Maddie was in the shower & her feet looked bigger. Her feet have looked a bit smallish for her body for some time. Sure enough, NONE of her shoes fit except her Crocs. It looked like her feet had grown about 2 -2 1/2 sizes -overnight! She immediately went out to the garage to raid Snick's stash of shoes; found a pair of flats & a pair of cons. Both were only about 1/2 size too big! Her previous shoes were size 3 1/2 & 4. You know what we'll be buying next month for school. And she's outgrown most of her clothes too. She skipped right over size 12 & is into size 14 now. And NOTHING at Old Navy fits. It was a blow to her self esteem. She refused to try on junior's clothes. How to make a self-conscious pre-teen understand that it's not HER, it's the store that caters to only a certain (slim) body type. The ONLY bottoms that fit her are from Target & Gap...and we've tried EVERY store, every style, every brand. Seriously.
12 July 2008
prayers for Linda Lowery
A good friend has been in hospital since Wednesday. She's had a stroke. She's not much older than I. I'm going to visit tomorrow. I've never been good at hospital/illness type visits. I think I had some kind of traumatic experience as a small child. Could be the whole near drowning experience. Could be even earlier than that when my paternal grandmother (?) was in a "home". I think I was about 3 or 4. Really this will be the first time I've had a friend my age in hospital with such a serious condition. And I'm kind of freaked out. I spoke with her daughter briefly this evening. She sounds to be holding up well. I don't know I would have had the same composure at 23. I don't know if I'd have composure at 41 if my mom were in the same place, God forbid. Linda's condition has been weighing heavily on my mind. I've been feeling a bit weepy, a bit out of sorts. The girls have all made get-well cards -with butterflies, Linda's favorite. Even now, just thinking about the visit, I'm feeling anxious, a tightness in my chest. I don't know what else to say....
11 July 2008
10 July 2008
06 July 2008
brief(?) update
I've been busy gardening...alot. It took freaking forever to get all the river rocks out of the garden bed. I swear it was at least 4 inches deep in rock. We've gone ahead & planted even though it's a little late in the season. I figured that because we have such a long season, it'd work out okay -as long as I water every day. So far so good. So far, we've planted: cucumbers, carrots, purple bush beans, lavendar, pumpkins, rhubarb, lupines, tomatoes, mint.
The Juliet tomatoes are doing extremely well -lots of little fruits. The Patio Tomato plant is stunted, for some reason: Two little fruits but it hasn't grown more than 8 inches tall! I also have an heirloom tomato plant that I can't remember the name of. It's growing strong, but no fruits.
The cucumbers are sprouting; yesterday there were 3, today there are at least 7. So far two pumpkins have sprouted.
Oh, Fiona was on a planting kick one day & spied the cantaloupe seeds cleaned from the fruit we were eating. She took a cupful & planted them all in a pot. So far there's one sprout! Same day she planted an avocado pit. She has plans to give the ensuing fruit to Lindsay to feed Roisin when they visit...too cute!
We also put the Lamb's Ears & the 3 Hens & Chicks plants in the ground. They were immediately happier than they'd been in the plastic containers from the nursery ('cause I bought them in May but only just planted them last week). (Hens couldn't send out chicks horizontally, so they grew vertically! It was pretty cool -and they flowered!).
I have the mint in a pot, so it doesn't take over the garden. I still have other herbs to plant, but I'll do those in pots too so I can take them in over the winter & continue to harvest as long as possible.
Instead of fighting the grape vines the former residents had planted, I've decided this year to just roll with it & try to train them up. I have a money bush I want to plant there too.
Something is eating one of my rhubarb plants. Anyone have suggestions?
I've pruned all the lilacs & the forsythia. I still have a few things to plant in the backyard, & that will be it but for maintanence this year. Next year should be a little easier since everything will be set up & ready to go; I can plant earlier & maybe not have to worry so much about the heat.
This week I'll do some planting in the front of the house.
It's been a lot of work, but it's satisfying as all get out.
I rearranged the t.v. room seating yesterday. Next I'm working on the craft/dining/computer room. Eventually I'll kick the kids out of the playroom & turn it into a craft room...ti-i-i-ime is on my side, yes it is! But for now, I've got to work with that open area that houses 3 separate activities.
What else? Mad continues in Sharks this week. She is also interested in checking out swim team tomorrow morning (yes!) Her feet have grown 2 sizes -I swear it was overnight a couple weeks ago. She raided Nikki's shoe stash in the garage yesterday. She was sporting my Steve Madden summer platforms -and they fit. Garrett of course said no way to her -and warned me to hide my shoes hahaha! I bought her a counted cross-stitch kit & after she got the gist of it, she didn't want to put it down. She's been reading voraciously...and staying up way too late in the process. Maddies's also started being a mother's helper for Lindsay a couple hours a week. She really enjoys playing with Roisin. After the last session, Maddie said she wants to buy a toy that she can bring for Ro to play with specifically for their time together. She'll be a fab babysitter in a couple years.
Feefer is becoming quite adept at the monkey bar on the swing set. She'll be doing front & back flips in no time. I've started her on a needlepoint project & she loves it! She does a fine rendition of a body snatcher scream, after we watched the first 2 versions of the flick last week.
Olivia is getting faster & is giving Fi an actual race. Of course it's only made Fi all that much more competitive. Also breaking out in a body snatcher scream and point -but very spontaneously. Fi only does it after Lib has. Lib also sings constantly, making up little songs for whatever she's doing, wherever she goes. E.g. we were walking home from watching the Glendale fireworks last night & as she walked on the edges of each lawn, she sang "I'm walking in the pie. I'm walking in the pie. I'm walking in the pie again...."
I saw
yesterday evening with my friend Linda. It was pretty good; I give it a "B". Never judge a movie by it's bad reviews. It was entertaining & worth the price of admission...and I don't say that often (as Garrett pointed out when I got home.) (BTW, Will Smith is hot as ever)
What else? Oh yeah, the number 1 daughter. She'll start her junior year at CU in the fall. Her declared major is Speech, Language, and Hearing Sciences. It sounds like she has found her passion. We're hoping to meet her bfriend sometime this month (hint hint).
That's all from the Front Range for now. As soon as everything is in the ground, I'll have more time to post regularly again!
The Juliet tomatoes are doing extremely well -lots of little fruits. The Patio Tomato plant is stunted, for some reason: Two little fruits but it hasn't grown more than 8 inches tall! I also have an heirloom tomato plant that I can't remember the name of. It's growing strong, but no fruits.
The cucumbers are sprouting; yesterday there were 3, today there are at least 7. So far two pumpkins have sprouted.
Oh, Fiona was on a planting kick one day & spied the cantaloupe seeds cleaned from the fruit we were eating. She took a cupful & planted them all in a pot. So far there's one sprout! Same day she planted an avocado pit. She has plans to give the ensuing fruit to Lindsay to feed Roisin when they visit...too cute!
We also put the Lamb's Ears & the 3 Hens & Chicks plants in the ground. They were immediately happier than they'd been in the plastic containers from the nursery ('cause I bought them in May but only just planted them last week). (Hens couldn't send out chicks horizontally, so they grew vertically! It was pretty cool -and they flowered!).
I have the mint in a pot, so it doesn't take over the garden. I still have other herbs to plant, but I'll do those in pots too so I can take them in over the winter & continue to harvest as long as possible.
Instead of fighting the grape vines the former residents had planted, I've decided this year to just roll with it & try to train them up. I have a money bush I want to plant there too.
Something is eating one of my rhubarb plants. Anyone have suggestions?
I've pruned all the lilacs & the forsythia. I still have a few things to plant in the backyard, & that will be it but for maintanence this year. Next year should be a little easier since everything will be set up & ready to go; I can plant earlier & maybe not have to worry so much about the heat.
This week I'll do some planting in the front of the house.
It's been a lot of work, but it's satisfying as all get out.
I rearranged the t.v. room seating yesterday. Next I'm working on the craft/dining/computer room. Eventually I'll kick the kids out of the playroom & turn it into a craft room...ti-i-i-ime is on my side, yes it is! But for now, I've got to work with that open area that houses 3 separate activities.
What else? Mad continues in Sharks this week. She is also interested in checking out swim team tomorrow morning (yes!) Her feet have grown 2 sizes -I swear it was overnight a couple weeks ago. She raided Nikki's shoe stash in the garage yesterday. She was sporting my Steve Madden summer platforms -and they fit. Garrett of course said no way to her -and warned me to hide my shoes hahaha! I bought her a counted cross-stitch kit & after she got the gist of it, she didn't want to put it down. She's been reading voraciously...and staying up way too late in the process. Maddies's also started being a mother's helper for Lindsay a couple hours a week. She really enjoys playing with Roisin. After the last session, Maddie said she wants to buy a toy that she can bring for Ro to play with specifically for their time together. She'll be a fab babysitter in a couple years.
Feefer is becoming quite adept at the monkey bar on the swing set. She'll be doing front & back flips in no time. I've started her on a needlepoint project & she loves it! She does a fine rendition of a body snatcher scream, after we watched the first 2 versions of the flick last week.
Olivia is getting faster & is giving Fi an actual race. Of course it's only made Fi all that much more competitive. Also breaking out in a body snatcher scream and point -but very spontaneously. Fi only does it after Lib has. Lib also sings constantly, making up little songs for whatever she's doing, wherever she goes. E.g. we were walking home from watching the Glendale fireworks last night & as she walked on the edges of each lawn, she sang "I'm walking in the pie. I'm walking in the pie. I'm walking in the pie again...."
I saw
yesterday evening with my friend Linda. It was pretty good; I give it a "B". Never judge a movie by it's bad reviews. It was entertaining & worth the price of admission...and I don't say that often (as Garrett pointed out when I got home.) (BTW, Will Smith is hot as ever)
What else? Oh yeah, the number 1 daughter. She'll start her junior year at CU in the fall. Her declared major is Speech, Language, and Hearing Sciences. It sounds like she has found her passion. We're hoping to meet her bfriend sometime this month (hint hint).
That's all from the Front Range for now. As soon as everything is in the ground, I'll have more time to post regularly again!
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