oh my

is what DD3 said when watching the Wizard of Oz for the first time & the flying monkey scene came on. "Oh my!!!" It's also what I said when I realized I haven't posted in so long. It's not that I don't want to. You see, I've had this problem with getting sucked into the internet abyss when I log on. I've been avoiding the computer & voila! a huge improvement in production in the rest of my life. That being said, I now realize why it is that I relish my time lost in the void: With no escape, my day is neverending from the time I get up until I drop in the wee hours. I'm talking non-stop house & kid type work. It's menial. It's maddening. It's Exhausting. I NEED the escape that the computer/internet provides. I'd surely go 'round the bend w/o it. Not to say that I wasn't already there to begin w/. But you see what I mean. I can't get AWAY literally. So I have to get away while still being present enough to prevent catasrophes in my home. And it's as close as I get to adult "conversation" for many days. Sad but true. I mean, other than conversations w/ G which center mostly around kids, sports, t.v. & occasional politics (when we don't discuss party matters). The internet provides at the least SOME kind of stimulation for the gray matter.

Speaking of catastrophes here comes a crying DD3 after screams emmanate from the t.v. room. She tries to explain what's wrong between sobs while I hold her. BUT in her peripheral vision she spies something out of the ordinary on the table. Tears are instantly stopped as she cranes her head around as far as is humanly possible to see what that could be.... Down she slides & runs asap to to climb in the chair & play w/ COOKIE CUTTERS! It's the simple things in life. And see, here I was on the computer, present yet distracted & still able to prevent a melt down.

Now if I could only find a happy medium b/t time spent online & time to get everything else done. I've never been good @ that. It's all or nothing. I can become completely absorbed by a book & do nothing else until it's finished. Lately it's been xmas preparations. Next month G's parents are visiting from RI. Maybe I'll be consumed by a cleaning frenzy. Or not.

And now the kids have all realized that I am on the computer. My "secret" hiding spot is not so secret anymore. I like to pretend like DD4 does that when I can't see them, they can't see me. Well, I've been seen (not hard to miss in the middle of the reading room) & now they are clamboring for my attention. I think the computer is like the telephone in that respect. Or even like cooking. Or like anything that occupies my time that is not attention paid directly at the kids. The can't leave me alone for 2 minutes. They must climb in my lap hang on my leg ask a kazillion questions pull my arm mommy mommy mommy mommy. Fine. Xmas prep is calling from the next room too. FINE. I guess it was time to say adieu anyway. Ah, that happy medium b/t time spent online & time spent in reality.

let the countdown continue

the George Dubya countdown clock is back...thank you thank you thank you ;)

sadness...

my Bush countdown clock isn't working @ the bottom of the page :( I'll have to suffice w/ an occasional joke instead:

Taking Up a Collection for the President
A lobbyist, on his way home from work in Washington, D.C., came to a dead halt in traffic and thought to himself, "Wow, this seems worse than usual."

He noticed a police officer walking between the lines of stopped cars, so he rolled down his window and asked, "Officer, what's the hold-up?"

The officer replied, "The President is depressed, so he stopped his motorcade and is threatening to douse himself with gasoline and set himself on fire. He says no one believes his stories about why we went to war in Iraq, or the connection between Saddam and al-Qaeda, or that his tax cuts will help anyone except his wealthy friends; the press called him on the lie about Iraq trying to buy uranium from Niger, and now Campbell Brown is threatening to sue him for a sexual innuendo he made at a recent press conference. So we're taking up a collection for him."

The lobbyist asks, "How much have you got so far?"

The officer replies, "About 14 gallons, but a lot of folks are still siphoning."

Happy Feast of Our Lady of Guadalupe Day

Remember, O most gracious Virgin of Guadalupe, that in your apparitions on Mount Tepeyac you promised to show pity and compassion to all who, loving and trusting you, seek your help and protection.Accordingly, listen now to our supplications and grant us consolation and relief. We are full of hope that, relying on your help, nothing can trouble or affect us. As you have remained with us through your admirable image, so now obtain for us the graces we need. Amen.

the more things change...

December 1995: DD1 is 7 years old: "Joy to the world, Barney's dead. We barbequed his head. Don't worry 'bout the body, we flushed it down the potty. Round & round it goes, round & round it goes, round & round & round it goes"

Fastforward 10 years: DD2 is 7 years old: "Joy to the world, Barney's dead...."

And yes, kids are STILL singing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells, Robin laid an egg...." Amazing how this stuff passes down through generations.

DD3's very first real cephalopod

Little kids' drawings are so spontaneous. So real. So honest. It's a work of art w/o even trying. When exactly does convention set in? Do you know what I mean? At what age does societal pressure to conform make kids question their own authenticity and abilities to create ART? Why can't we all draw like that -like before society took hold of our self perceptions -like it's just a natural occurance, a natural outpouring of self on the page. Nine simple strokes of marker on printer paper. ART

joke I got from my mom today (funnier if you're from PA)

Once upon a time in the kingdom of Heaven, God was missing for six days.
Eventually, Michael the Archangel found him, resting on the seventh day.

He inquired of God. "Where have you been?"
God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look, Michael. Look what I've made."
Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?"
"It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put Life on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance."
"Balance?" Inquired Michael, still confused.
God explained, pointing to different parts of earth. "For example, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth but cold and harsh, while southern Europe is going to be poor but sunny and pleasant. "I have made some lands abundant in water and other lands parched deserts.
This one will be extremely hot and while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."
The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a land mass and said "What's that one?"
"Ah," said God. "That's Pennsylvania -- the most glorious place on earth.
There are beautiful mountains, streams, hills, and forests.
The people from Pennsylvania are going to be handsome, modest, intelligent and humorous and they are going to be found traveling the world. They will be extremely sociable, hardworking and high achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace."
Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed, "What about balance, God? You said there would be balance!"
God replied wisely, "Wait until you see the idiots I put in Harrisburg.

help me! I've fallen & I can't get up!

I saw DD4 face down on the floor. At first I thought she had fallen down & couldn't get up ala "A Christmas Story". Or was she super tired? Then I realized she was trying to pick up her penny off the floor w/ her mouth b/c the mittens were in the way of her hands. Too funny!

things I miss about Pittsburgh

a comprehensive list which may be appended as neccesary

• friends -(Chris, Denise, Angela, Joe & Kim, Sean)(forgive me if I'm forgetting anyone)
• friends' families
• the Steelers
• the Pirates
• the Pens
• Primanti's
• Mineo's pizza
• O cheese fries
• King's hot roast beef sandwich & fries w/ gravy
• Eat 'n Park smiley face cookies
• Chi Chi's fried ice cream
• Moio's (I can't find a decent Italian bakery out here for the life of me)
• that unique PGH accent and all the peculiar, particular idioms
• the occasional smell of bacon on the North Side emanating from Heinz
• the Strip -Wholey's & Sunseri's in particular
• Chief's for people watching
• Dee's for people watching
• ice skating @ Schenley Park
• the Point in summer
• Carnegie Science Center (best kids' museum I've been to)
• South Side
• Mt Washington
• Gus and Yiayia's Ice Balls
• Walnut Street
• Candy Rama
• shopping downtown during xmas season
• the Gateway Clipper
• riding the Duquesne incline
• the Allegheny River (yeah I have a favorite)
• puff pastry from the Verona Giant Eagle
• how Denise's parents' house always smells like yummy cake goodness & her mom's delicious cakes!!
• University of PGH...go Pitt!

random blog happiness/homesickness reminder

http://benroethlisberger.typepad.com/roethlisberger/ I just happened across this blog. Yay!

she's a believer

Happy St. Nicholas Day!



So I was inspired to write about our St. Nicholas experience this year. Thanks to This Full House for sharing your day (12.06.05)(see: "blogs I like" links) .

DD2 consistently writes notes to any magical beings who may or may not pay a visit. This includes the tooth fairy, santa, the easter bunny, & now St. Nicholas too. I think she does this to verify said creature's existence (or non-existence, as it were, if there was no response to read in the morning).

"Dear St. Nicholas, why do you use shoes? Aren't they stinky?...."

How to answer? How to answer? check out http://www.stnicholascenter.org/ for all your (or your child's) St. Nicholas questions.

Awake @ 6am & bounding down the steps to see what was in her shoe. Chocolates, candy cane, orange, small gift. Yikes! And didn't I forgot to write a response to her?!? I ran downstairs to retrieve the note from the t.v. room where I had left it the night b4 whilst wrapping; shoved it in my pocket; sprinted out the door to drive DD1 to the bus station. Whew. She didn't see it BUT she also didn't ask (nor did she have time as I whizzed by).

I asked DD1 to write the response so as to disguise the handwriting. Then I had a brilliant idea: write in German so as to further authenticate the note! Thank god my mom was home when DD1 called (no DD1 did not remember from 3 years of German how to translate what I wanted the note to say).

Home again, I handed DD2 the note, "Look what I found outside".
"Mom, it's in cursive. You read it to me"
"It's not cursive, it's a different language. I think it's German!"
Silence as she contemplates this turn of events.

While she's eating breakfast, I see her copying the response to her note. She wanted to take it to school to show her class. She didn't want to take the original in case it might be lost! Love it!!!!! (also cute -listening to her "read" the note, trying to pronounce German words that she's never seen nor heard).

Still a believer :) Yay!

question: why do I blog in the wee hours of the night?

answer: when the girls are quiet, I know it's b/c they're asleep & not emptying my buckwheat hull filled meditation pillow.

I was online trying to win the range rover from american express (yeah, G, I KNOW I'd look good in one, but would I really want another gas hog?). Thought I'd have a quick read through some blogs. HA! I didn't win. And I walked downstairs to find some kind of brown-I-don't-know-what pellets all over the floor. Try getting those hulls in a pile to scoop back into pillow. Nigh impossible. Sad pillow will never be the same.

bad dog again :(

So we have discovered that our beloved freely giving kisses dog has a taste for bathroom garbage -the stinky kind; you know, diapers & pads. Damn damn damn damn damn. Damn. Glad I found it b4 I went to sleep and didn't just wander into the bathroom disaster area in the dark. Blech. Double blech. The stench was the worst. I'm talking gag unless the mouth & nose are covered stench. All that from one diaper. Why oh why. It couldn't have been one of those just a little mess diapers. Nooooooooooo. It had to be the WORST diaper in what must be 3 years. Now we have to shut the bathroom doors from toddlers & dog. Ah they're pretty much the same anyway. If I'm not cleaning up after one, I'm cleaning up after the other.

the new me

So, I've just had my hair bleached. I hated it dark. I've had highlights for forever. I got tired of that & had it dyed closer to my natural color. It was okay at first. Then it just made me look tired & old all the time. I started FEELING old & tired. Ugh. Enough of that already. I'm too young to feel/look that way! So the real me, the "old" (DD2 holds up & scrunches the 1st two fingers of both hands ) me is baaaaaack!

Good grief it was aging, that dark hair on me. Hmmmm, I suppose some of it has to do w/ these kids aaaargh who don't sleep through the night regularly or who wake up at the friggin' crack. Didn't need to LOOK like I felt, though. What an eye opener. yeah, that & seeing this couple @ DD2's school performance -the husband looked abt 10 years younger than the wife. I'm sure not b/c he was, but b/c she's the one getting up w/ the kids & not getting enough exercise or time for herself. I thought to myself that I never want to LOOK older than G, at least. So I woke up on Friday w/ the solution. Go back to blonde. Shocking but effective. I still look twice when I walk past a mirror hahahaha. Now to make time for myself. Challenging new years resolution.

DD2 fall '05 school pic

xmas is upon us

We have snow! Not much and it'll be gone in a couple days. But at least it feels like the wreath actually belongs in the door now.

Some of my favorite xmas season things:

*eggnog in my coffee instead of milk

*eggnog and spiced rum

*smell of pine (I took that smell for granted all those years in western PA)

*Griswald-like light displays (except not on MY house)

*peppermint candy canes

*St. Nicholas tradition passed down to my own kids

*baking cookies & stollen

*actually having an opportunity to wear long sleeves

*midnight mass

*advent calendar (the kind w/ chocolate)(or the kind you hang in the window & the sun shines through the tissue paper behind the little doors)

*crushing thin, brittle layers of ice on the street or sidewalk

*snow that looks like cookie dough -not too dirty, neither too wet nor too dry

*ice on tree branches & snow sparkling in predawn headlights

another blog opinion re: kids gone wild

In response to the NYTimes article by Judith Warner http://www.nytimes.com/2005/11/27/weekinreview/27warner.html? Having read her book "Perfect Madness: Motherhood in the Age of Anxiety", I wondered what her most recent opinion is regarding parenting.

I was quite excited to read her book; there was a wonderful write up in Parenting magazine which led me to believe Ms. Warner would prove to be an insightful observer of parenting in the US compared to parenting in Europe (France, in particular). What a shame her opinions are primarily based on "mom as victim of society" mentality. Hell, I could've written a book in friggin' h.s. if all it took was idealistic, utopian solutions for an epidemic mindset that plagues our society and a lot of fingerpointing at the government. I mean, if you feel like a taken for granted cab driver b/c you drive your kids to 15 different activites everyweek, don't enroll them in 15 activities. If you're exhausted at the end of the day b/c you've made yourself the indispensible entertainment for your child, please direct the blame inwardly. Don't teach your kids that there's nothing more to life than competition. If you don't like the rat race, get off the wheel already. It's that simple. I do believe the basic premise of republicanism is privitization of anything related to social service. Ideally, if you want government to take care of your social needs, move to a socialist country. Don't expect compassion from a US government whose main concern is military and big business. But don't get me started.

So then I read the article. I tried to not have any expectations as to good, bad or otherwise. Same drivel, really. Kids are rude b/c their parents are overworked and too tired to reprimand them. Kids are rude b/c they're just so precious to mid-life parents and god forbid those precious kids should be hurt by expectations of better behavior. Get over it already. Kids are rude b/c parents are indulgent. Kids are rude b/c parents don't DEMAND better behavior. Kids are rude b/c parents are too self-absorbed to give a damn or even be aware of what said kids are doing/saying. Lets get to the point here. Rude people will inevitably reproduce rude children.

As a child, I knew indulgent parents of friends. I also knew of punitive parents. These different parenting styles will beget different personalities in children. I may be tired & overworked, but it's still my responsibility to raise my children to be kind, generous, mannerful people.

It's the rudeness we're talking abt. I just don't remember such rude behavior from ADULTS. Road rage. Name calling. Fist fights at youth sport games. Everyone out for themselves. Not only is chivalry dead. So is common courtesy, it seems. There is a decorum of civility missing from our lives these days that I remember from my childhood.

I partially blame the media; you know, t.v. is evil. But the responsibility ultimately lies within. Blurring the line between fiction on the tube and the reality of life is a choice. The decision to be rude to one person makes the next rude act that much easier, etc etc until it becomes habit. It takes conscious effort to not allow another person's rude behavior towards me influence my behavior towards others.

Personally, I believe that unless my life or property are in danger, I'm not wasting my time & energy honking at a rude driver who is obviously oblivious anyway. Seriously, the only person who can hear one cursing at another driver is the passenger in one's car. Life is too short to waste being retributive. Karma is real. What goes around comes around. I just need to sit back and let it happen. No action necessary from me.

Hopefully my own children will learn to give the benefit of the doubt. (Maybe that speeding, weaving motorist is rushing to the hospital. Maybe that angry man has some issues at home to deal w/. And you know that being mean is not okay?) And they'll learn to let another motorist in front. And they won't be rude to salespeople, nurses, teachers: I demand that they be kind to others. (are mine the only toddlers who say please & thank-you & you're welcome to each other unbidden?!). My kids will have learned that it's okay to admit being wrong. And saying sorry is not an option. I have reprimanded other people's kids, and will continue to do so as the need arises.

So don't tell me that children are ruder than in the past. It's adults who are ruder and who teach children to be so or not.

good dog :)

so I had to remind myself that the dog obedience thing doesn't just maintain itself...she needed some kudos for good behavior too. I mean, just like with kids, the good behavior is often overlooked b/c it doesn't attract attention. Kids (and dogs) do "bad" things and get negative attention. Any attention -including negative- is better than nothing.

We did some of the tricks she knows & I gave her positive reinforcement.

At dinner she was near perfect. Madst did drop some chicken on the floor purposefully - what she thought was on the sly. She forgot that I'm mom & I see all/ hear all/ know all. I explained how that was encouraging Cody to misbehave (snarf food off the floor instead of lying down until dinner is over).

As a reward we went for a decent walk. Cody was stoked.

We'll try that again tomorrow.

bad dog :(

So I walked upstairs to find the zip bag of leftover turkey on the floor. The guilty party was busted slunking away, tail b/t her legs. There is a missing drumstick -literally! I can't find the evidence. I hope I can find it b4 I smell it...grrrrrrr. I had to chuck the remaining leftovers. Only the babies had turkey sandwiches out of all of us. Double grrrrrr. Well, no more people food for this little dog. She has been banish-ed.

Hmmmm, guess we can't call her Noo Noo anymore. And dog obedience is added to the list of things to do.

Then there's the super sensitive Madster who doesn't understand why Cody was being reprimanded so harshly. She started crying, saying that we're mean & we shouldn't have pets. Cody, on the other hand, knew perfectly well she was wrong & wouldn't even make eye contact. So now Madst & babies are downstairs consoling & self-esteem boosting the bad dog. Cody knows she's got it good w/ that crowd.

I am loved!

and missed! Two of my best friends from high school called me on Friday night -from the class reunion. It was great to hear their voices & it made my night. I'm patiently awaiting a rundown of the festivities that I missed out on.

america's sweethearts has-beens

I feel so used. So ripped off. what the hey? I mean here are America's sweethearts. She even saved her virginity for this guy. The big deal wedding. The MTV Nick & Jessica Newlywed Show for crying out loud. All this for what? Chuck it out the window 3 years later? Marriage is work people. WORK. A foreign concept that many couples these days don't or won't get. In this day of instantaneous gratification, who the heck wants to work at something that doesn't necessarily give instantaneous gratification????

okay, after that little rant...anyone feel ripped off when I announced my divorce? I will be the first to admit that I felt ripped off. It was the long term live-in relationship complete w/ 1 sweet, beautiful, perfect daughter. After an inordinate amount of time, we officially tied the knot (having put off the actual ceremony 9 years). Not even two years later, kaput. Digressive relationship on hubby's part was last straw. Not that the relationship was perfect before then. WORK, remember. It takes work. And work we did. Until that fateful summer. Sometimes I think, hot damn, we'd have been together 19 years now. Then I think that some relationships take tooooooooo much work. And it would have been a costly 19 years had we stayed together. Things are definitely better now. I miss having friends in common. Other common interests. That's it, though.

Maybe if we had gone through w/ the ceremony at the outset like we had planned, things would have turned out differently.

But I could "what if" it 'til kingdom come & I'd still be where I am today. Happily involved with a man who is friend, soulmate, confidante, lover, partner. A man who "gets" me. And accepts me w/ all my quirks and foibles. And is willing to do the work together to have a long lasting, fulfilling relationship. Albeit he is a blinder wearing republican. (see, I have to make exceptions for his foibles too) But he's a keeper.

winter 2004

this was my second project. a scarf for maddie. i tried a different stitch and experimented w/ two colors. again, no pattern but a type of stitch to try and a basic pattern that i wanted to replicate. it's lion brand jiffy in peacock & denver. this was a smaller hook. maybe H? i think it was double or half double stitch and chain 4. obviously these first few projects i didn't keep record of instructions & other pertinent details. with this project i became aware of the need to put down the yarn b4 i'm so tired that i'm seeing cross eyed. when i was weaving in ends, i found quite a few threads too short to weave -as in cut almost right down to the garment. i don't recall if i inadvertantly cut them too short or my little helper (maddie, at the time) decided to take it upon herself to cut the ends. i ended up tying knots in hopes of saving all that work. it turned out nicely regardless.

winter 2004 cont.

this is nikki's "wizard" style crocheted scarf. it was my 3rd project and the first project that i actually followed instructions. darn if i can remember the hook size or instruction. can probably find them, though. lamb's pride wool(?) in boulder high's school colors.

fall 2004

this was my first foray back into crochet after a 25 year hiatus.
it was SUPPOSED to be a shawl. i was inspired by a shawl i saw online. i thought i'd quickly crochet myself something green to wear to the france/ireland game in paris last year. i didn't follow a pattern. just measured how wide i wanted it to be and decreased by one on every row. single crochet on a P hook ( i think). the yarn is lion brand homespun plantation(?) you can see that it kept getting longer & longer. i kept buying more & more yarn. needless to say, it wasn't finished quickly. so it turned out to be a slightly odd shaped throw. i stopped b4 it came to a point just to call it done. i now know the importance of checking gauge & some preplanning. decreasing by two would have probably brought it to the right length. using a larger hook would've helped too.

august 2005 cont.

mock rib stitch -co some multiple of 2 plus 1; row 1 p1,k1; row 2 k1,p1. repeat rows 1 & 2 'til desired length. sz 15 circulars (my 1st try w/ circulars). lion brand homespun in creole. i had actually purchased this yarn 4 years ago to re-teach myself to crochet. that didn't happen. but it all worked out ok.

august 2005

my 2nd knitting project. following instructions to a degree. first attempt at purling. co some multiple of 4. k4,p4 for 6 rows or so. then p4,k4 for 6 rows. was supposed to be 4 rows to make a square k,p pattern. i rather liked the rectangle and adjusted accordingly. lion brand landscapes yarn in rose garden. 5 or 6 balls. sz 11 or 13 or 15 straights? it's really soft & comfy.

summer 2005

this is my first knitting attempt. i decided to finally take a class instead of just talking abt it. the class was small -two other women besides myself -at the (unfortunately) soon to close la ti da. the instructer was a young woman -super nice, patient & laid back -tamara? plain old garter stitch on sz 13 straight needles. cast on abt 19 or 20 or 21. a nice wool...have to look for the brand & style. i get alot of compliments on this scarf. it's all stretched out from wearing it all the time

1st prayer shawl

i crocheted this shawl following a pattern from lion brand http://www.lionbrand.com/patterns/chs-triangleShawl.html

i used lion brand homespun in colonial. this is the first time i didn't change anything from the instructions. it didn't turn out quite the way i envisioned and so i didn't give it away as planned. i wanted something a little wider so as to cover more on the arms. oh, i did knot the fringe to make it a little more interesting -6 strands each fringe. knot three from the first bunch w/ three from the 2nd bunch; knot remaining 3 from 2nd bunch w/ 3 from the 3rd bunch, etc etc.

so i've been sitting here all day...

so what?!?

I have one thing to say abt today's demoralizing loss to Nebraska & it has nothing to do with the final score. Once again I find myself embarrassed to be affiliated w/ CU. No, I said it's not b/c of the loss. I can deal w/ that. My high school football team didn't have a winning season in the six years I attended (7th -12th). Loss to one's rival school? No prob.

Will someone PLEEEEEEEEZ teach these friggin' CU students how to behave in public?!?!?!? Throwing garbage on the field during the game necessitating clearing one whole section of the stands by the police?? C'mon now folks, that's just childish. Are these the same kids who were rioting on the hill a few years ago? Haven't they graduated yet? Haven't they learned some manners? I swear that should be a required class upon entrance to CU. "how to live away from home and still behave like a respectable citizen" or "your actions reflect on your school" or something like that. I hope to God that my kids NEVER partake in that kind of selfish behavior.

Makes me think twice abt sending DD1 there. Seriously.

"don't buy anything day"

Was it truly started by anti-consumerists? Or was it someone who didn't have $ to spend & therefore decided to not WANT to participate? Either way works for me. I can honestly say, I don't remember any time getting out there amongst the chaos. I'm sure I have been. It sounds exciting. All the "sales". The crowds. Who knows, if I had a pile of $ I might just be out there taking advantage of some bargains.

Last weekend Matthew Kelly made a good point "are you a consumer or are you consumed?" I think that will be my slogan for the new year. Mr. Kelly also said "you never can have enough of what you don't need" -as an explanation for the rampant consumerism in our society. I admit I too have been guilty of trying to deal w/ deeper issues through retail therapy. It never does solve anything. Just a little avoidance tactic.

As an adult, for a year, I lived in my old hometown. It's a very small blip on the map -Strattanville, PA. There was nothing there to spend $ at. Even in the neighboring slightly larger towns. No trendy national chain stores. Just the typical small town anchors like JC Penneys & Kmart. Quite a relief from "out there". Easy to not get caught up in consuming. Easy to not fall prey to our society's push to instill feelings of inferiority.

T.V. is the biggest perpetuation tool in that marketing scheme. How to get rid of the t.v. though? I know I personally wouldn't be sad to see ours go. It's not my t.v. And it's bigger than ever. Obnoxiously bigger. But it's not mine. So then there's cable. I didn't have cable before I moved here. I would miss DIY. But I'd be more productive w/o it anyway; you know, instead of watching projects on t.v, I'd spend more time actually doing them. Now we have the added feature of HD digital cable. I admit that the picture is clearer -on the 9 channels that are actually HD. But Comcast is now $15 dollars richer each month at my expense. It's just not as important to me as it is to someone else in this house.

class reunion

so tomorrow is my 20 year class reunion. I'm sad that I can't be there. Granted there are only abt 15 people out of 83 who rsvp'd to participate. But it would have been fun to see some people who were good friends then. Best friends even. I have mixed feelings, though. I feel like I am not in the best shape that I would want to be to see those folks. Nor am I doing w/ my life what I feel is "successful". I'm just me. Not that anyone would judge me for that. I'm my own harshest critic.

I suppose what I'm doing is a far more challenging & meaningful endeavor than paid work could ever be. But there's something to be said for at least a sense of control over one's future that money affords. Geez, I'm so conflicted. What is that term in psychology? It eludes me just now. I know that materialism isn't spiritual, soulful. Hell it isn't even fulfilling. It's just this black hole that keeps sucking & sucking & sucking. The never ending need to feed. Which in turn leads to a never ending whirl on the hamster wheel. Got to keep the cogs turning. BUT materialism is, oh I don't know, fun? fashionable? addicting.

Hanging w/ my kids isn't all too fun. Definitely not addicting. I get no material gratification. My gratification comes in small doses throughout the day, week, years. Spiritually, I suppose its true that my 'reward' will be to see all of my children grow up to be successful in whatever they chose to do. Like, I'll know I've done a good job if none of my kids seeks therapy b/c of something I did or said hahaha.

But I can't buy a new dress w/ the hard work & long hours I put in everyday here. etc etc etc etc.

So the question becomes how do I convey to my kids that life isn't always what you plan? Or that success isn't all about money? without subconsciously pass on to them my own disappointments or feelings of failure.

I must be doing something right, though. DD1 has stated on many an occasion (e.g. her myspace site) that I'm her hero. That's really the nicest compliment I've ever gotten.

Oh and one very good reason to be actually glad to not be @ the reunion? It's friggin' freezing out in PA.

throw out that timer!

I cooked the stuffing separate from the turkey -to expedite the roasting process as well as to cut down on some fat calories. Taking a cue from Alton Brown's book "I'm Just Here for the Food", I cooked the bird @ 500 for 30 mins. Lowered temp to 350. Put in the digital thermometer -one of the all time greatest cooking gadgets- and cooked until 161 in the thickest part of the breast. The 18 lb turkey took all of maybe 3 hours to cook through! And OMG!!! I believe it was the best roasted turkey I personally have ever made. Definitely the juiciest! Not one dry morsel. I'm telling you, the digital thermometer is the way to go.

So after slaving in the kitchen all day preparing everything (the bird was the least of the action), I finally get a chance to sit down & reflect on what I'm thankful for:

this house with an oven that is normal size & temperature

delicious food

good company

garrett changing diapers most of the day

garrett getting the girls to bed despite their protests

family -even though we don't all keep in contact so often

friends who are considered family

vacations -long or short-near or far

a good dog who is only naughty when she's bored

good health & my gym membership

front range weather

a glass of fine wine

ahem...correction necessary

there is a significant difference b/t 'the sexiest man alive' & 'the sexiest fantasy man alive". THIS is the sexiest man alive

what did I tell you?

FINALLY People magazine catches on...

"F**k 'em up, F**k 'em up, Go CU!"

I almost forgot my friend Kelly moved back to CO after a couple years in San Diego. There are more than 2 buffs in my life here in Denver. (poor G. just deal w/ it...we can't all be rose bowl bound this year). I know I'll be watching CU kick Cornhusker butt on Friday. Hopefully w/ a fellow alumna!!! Go Buffs!

picture of DD2

go to the link to DD2's school. go to gallery. go to 2nd grade performance 2005-11. the right hand picture is DD2 (center, blue shirt) laughing at a flub during the performance.

That's no fair -two buffaloes in the same house....

or so G replied when Snick WAS ACCEPTED TO CU!!!!!!! She found out last week & is getting everything in order for financial aid & housing, etc. She wants to live in Boulder (of course) even though I tried to convince her to commute. So I guess we'll see her on weekends or when the clean clothes get low -whichever comes first. It's very exciting!!! I don't know in which major she intends to enroll. Weehaw :)

Well good, it's only fair. Since G's good friend Mo is moving back next year, I'll have to deal w/ 2 USC fans (god it's hard to get over the friggin' EGO these undefeated team fans have). There will be another Buffs fan in my corner, too! hahahahaha (she laughs mockingly) Well, unless Snick decides to apply to Towson or Clark, which were her original choices.

just what I needed

Many thanks to my friend Deonne for 4 hours of mentally stimulating adult conversation last night. After listening to Matthew Kelly -catholic motivational speaker- we went to Village Inn. I drank way too much coffee for 9pm (the whole friggin' carafe!) & I purposfully left my cell in my car (all the better to be unhindered, my dear). And we just chatted about everything from the entirely serious problems of the world to the most mundane of daily life details. Ahhhhhhh I feel like a real person again.

next

i've finished knitting up the cell phone pouch & purse. quite pleased that i've learned a few new techniques in the process. now to felt them. i have yet to figure out how to crochet the "platter" to cover the buttons. will experiment some tonight. and then on to the prayer shawl.

oh oh oh i got my dressform yesterday. easy assembly this morning. i can't wait to use it. i've got some ideas and am waiting (im)patiently to start. there's a strapless dress for nikki -i'm envisioning a black matte satin w/ peridot tulle just peeking out underneath. and a woven wool/poly blend short jacket, 3/4 sleeves maybe some version of the black & peridot -if i can find it. what nikki wants is probably entirely different. and i want to do a shirt jacket out of a sweet brocade i found (for me). it's sooooooo exciting!

I know how Joan Crawford felt...

Have you ever had one of those days when the kids are taking turns crying about every little thing. The DRAMA is unreal. I'm talking EVERY little thing is magnified to end of days drama. I kid you not. I look at moms w/ boys and think that I'm glad I have girls b/c I wouldn't know what to do w/ boys. But these particular girls are about as close to boys as I can get w/o actually having boys. They are the most rambuncious, bouncing off the walls (literally) girls I have ever met. So would boys be less dramatic? Do boys have bad hair days? Maybe mine's a little different. She is the only child I've known to have bad hair days starting from the age of 3. Bizarre.

And they scream at each other in displeasure because they both want the same toy. Or one of them wants all of the same toys -say dolls- for herself. Of course the other was content to play puzzles until she saw there were no dolls left. All of a sudden the dolls are WAY more interesting than the puzzles. This leads to tug of war. More crying. Hitting. Maybe a bite. Pushing. More crying. Screaming in stereo. Mom sorts it out after letting them have a go. Neither will budge without prompting. Finally a few moments peace.

And then they screech to express excitement at all the things they find in their toddler minds to be slightly comedic. Everything from playing hide & seek to chasing the dog around the house w/ the doll stroller (poor cody). Screeches of pleasure riding on my very last nerve.

And it's inevitably the day that I have a migraine that we cycle through these amplified vocalized emotions. Not just one cycle. That might be tolerable. But all day, over & over again. They don't smell fear. Not these girls. They sense my pain & exacerbate it. Or maybe it's the day I haven't had enough sleep -undoubtedly b/c I was up all night w/ each child in turn. Or it's when I have fifteen million things to do and they want my every attention and they insist on having it by clinging to my leg or my arm or climbing in my lap.

So yes, I do understand to a lesser degree how someone like Joan Crawford could turn out to be so irrationally punitive w/ her own children. Those are days when I have to count over & over & over again. Deep breathing. Pray to have patience. Lock myself in the bathroom. Anything to regain a semblence of control over MY emotions. Meanwhile I wonder what was God thinking putting me in charge of these kids. I feel all too underqualified to be in this position of responsibility.

At the end of the day, though, I know it's just NOW. This moment in time. Tomorrow they'll be angelic. Or I won't have an excruciating headache. Or I'll pound more coffee. Soon enough they'll be grown out of this stage. They'll need less & less of my attention.

HOWEVER! Right now I have to get downstairs. I've been distracting myself successfully for long enough & the girls are being unusually quiet. Can only mean mischief. God help me. Deep breath.

one thing i'd buy if i could

TIME!

i hate to admit it, but i now have 3 projects going. i started a prayer shawl as a gift for my rcia sponsor. when our trip to ireland was getting closer, i started a gift for my "sister-in-law" (sorry to put it in quotes lindsay, but you know....) as a graduation present. i've just started a four week class @ the library working on a medium size felted purse & cell phone holder. so i guess the first two projects are on hold until the class is over. next i'd like to try my hand @ socks -nice xmas presents, i think. hats too. there are just so many projects i want to make & never enough time in the day!

and that's it for knitting. i have a shawl i'm crocheting with this beautiful ribbon. i can't quite get the instructions right so i keep ripping out to start anew. maybe if i had more than 10 minutes at a time to sit down, i might figure it out. hmmmm, maybe have to put that one on hold for the next few years! hahaha!

finally, i've got a fleece robe to sew. actually, i had started it for nikki! when she was younger but never finished b/c school absorbed most of my time -free or otherwise. weeeeeeeell, i've been out of school for 4 years now! and the robe will fit maddie very nicely -when i finish it. of course, if i wait long enough it'll fit fiona or lib hehehehe.

Madster holds up the sky during the play

Madster playing drum during "che che kule"

2nd grade Bringing the Rain to Kapiti Plain performance. DD2 smack dab in the middle

"Halloween 2005" starring DD3 as a princess, DD2 as a banshee, DD4 as a shy steeler fan, G as proud papa, six assorted jack o'lanterns. missing from photo cody as a fairy pup

here let me help you with that

ewwww pumpkin guts

fearless DD3...pumpkin guts -not a problem

this girl should open her own studio....

did I mention that not only is she 1/2 of Ireland's cutest couple, and recent master's grad from Galway NUI, she is also Ireland's finest photographer . Thank you Aunt Linz!

a little ham nevertheless 

Lybia was just a little bored & not as cooperative as the other girls

share? 

moment of action in the life of a daredevil caught forever in a still shot