good dog :)

so I had to remind myself that the dog obedience thing doesn't just maintain itself...she needed some kudos for good behavior too. I mean, just like with kids, the good behavior is often overlooked b/c it doesn't attract attention. Kids (and dogs) do "bad" things and get negative attention. Any attention -including negative- is better than nothing.

We did some of the tricks she knows & I gave her positive reinforcement.

At dinner she was near perfect. Madst did drop some chicken on the floor purposefully - what she thought was on the sly. She forgot that I'm mom & I see all/ hear all/ know all. I explained how that was encouraging Cody to misbehave (snarf food off the floor instead of lying down until dinner is over).

As a reward we went for a decent walk. Cody was stoked.

We'll try that again tomorrow.

bad dog :(

So I walked upstairs to find the zip bag of leftover turkey on the floor. The guilty party was busted slunking away, tail b/t her legs. There is a missing drumstick -literally! I can't find the evidence. I hope I can find it b4 I smell it...grrrrrrr. I had to chuck the remaining leftovers. Only the babies had turkey sandwiches out of all of us. Double grrrrrr. Well, no more people food for this little dog. She has been banish-ed.

Hmmmm, guess we can't call her Noo Noo anymore. And dog obedience is added to the list of things to do.

Then there's the super sensitive Madster who doesn't understand why Cody was being reprimanded so harshly. She started crying, saying that we're mean & we shouldn't have pets. Cody, on the other hand, knew perfectly well she was wrong & wouldn't even make eye contact. So now Madst & babies are downstairs consoling & self-esteem boosting the bad dog. Cody knows she's got it good w/ that crowd.

I am loved!

and missed! Two of my best friends from high school called me on Friday night -from the class reunion. It was great to hear their voices & it made my night. I'm patiently awaiting a rundown of the festivities that I missed out on.

america's sweethearts has-beens

I feel so used. So ripped off. what the hey? I mean here are America's sweethearts. She even saved her virginity for this guy. The big deal wedding. The MTV Nick & Jessica Newlywed Show for crying out loud. All this for what? Chuck it out the window 3 years later? Marriage is work people. WORK. A foreign concept that many couples these days don't or won't get. In this day of instantaneous gratification, who the heck wants to work at something that doesn't necessarily give instantaneous gratification????

okay, after that little rant...anyone feel ripped off when I announced my divorce? I will be the first to admit that I felt ripped off. It was the long term live-in relationship complete w/ 1 sweet, beautiful, perfect daughter. After an inordinate amount of time, we officially tied the knot (having put off the actual ceremony 9 years). Not even two years later, kaput. Digressive relationship on hubby's part was last straw. Not that the relationship was perfect before then. WORK, remember. It takes work. And work we did. Until that fateful summer. Sometimes I think, hot damn, we'd have been together 19 years now. Then I think that some relationships take tooooooooo much work. And it would have been a costly 19 years had we stayed together. Things are definitely better now. I miss having friends in common. Other common interests. That's it, though.

Maybe if we had gone through w/ the ceremony at the outset like we had planned, things would have turned out differently.

But I could "what if" it 'til kingdom come & I'd still be where I am today. Happily involved with a man who is friend, soulmate, confidante, lover, partner. A man who "gets" me. And accepts me w/ all my quirks and foibles. And is willing to do the work together to have a long lasting, fulfilling relationship. Albeit he is a blinder wearing republican. (see, I have to make exceptions for his foibles too) But he's a keeper.

winter 2004

this was my second project. a scarf for maddie. i tried a different stitch and experimented w/ two colors. again, no pattern but a type of stitch to try and a basic pattern that i wanted to replicate. it's lion brand jiffy in peacock & denver. this was a smaller hook. maybe H? i think it was double or half double stitch and chain 4. obviously these first few projects i didn't keep record of instructions & other pertinent details. with this project i became aware of the need to put down the yarn b4 i'm so tired that i'm seeing cross eyed. when i was weaving in ends, i found quite a few threads too short to weave -as in cut almost right down to the garment. i don't recall if i inadvertantly cut them too short or my little helper (maddie, at the time) decided to take it upon herself to cut the ends. i ended up tying knots in hopes of saving all that work. it turned out nicely regardless.

winter 2004 cont.

this is nikki's "wizard" style crocheted scarf. it was my 3rd project and the first project that i actually followed instructions. darn if i can remember the hook size or instruction. can probably find them, though. lamb's pride wool(?) in boulder high's school colors.

fall 2004

this was my first foray back into crochet after a 25 year hiatus.
it was SUPPOSED to be a shawl. i was inspired by a shawl i saw online. i thought i'd quickly crochet myself something green to wear to the france/ireland game in paris last year. i didn't follow a pattern. just measured how wide i wanted it to be and decreased by one on every row. single crochet on a P hook ( i think). the yarn is lion brand homespun plantation(?) you can see that it kept getting longer & longer. i kept buying more & more yarn. needless to say, it wasn't finished quickly. so it turned out to be a slightly odd shaped throw. i stopped b4 it came to a point just to call it done. i now know the importance of checking gauge & some preplanning. decreasing by two would have probably brought it to the right length. using a larger hook would've helped too.

august 2005 cont.

mock rib stitch -co some multiple of 2 plus 1; row 1 p1,k1; row 2 k1,p1. repeat rows 1 & 2 'til desired length. sz 15 circulars (my 1st try w/ circulars). lion brand homespun in creole. i had actually purchased this yarn 4 years ago to re-teach myself to crochet. that didn't happen. but it all worked out ok.

august 2005

my 2nd knitting project. following instructions to a degree. first attempt at purling. co some multiple of 4. k4,p4 for 6 rows or so. then p4,k4 for 6 rows. was supposed to be 4 rows to make a square k,p pattern. i rather liked the rectangle and adjusted accordingly. lion brand landscapes yarn in rose garden. 5 or 6 balls. sz 11 or 13 or 15 straights? it's really soft & comfy.

summer 2005

this is my first knitting attempt. i decided to finally take a class instead of just talking abt it. the class was small -two other women besides myself -at the (unfortunately) soon to close la ti da. the instructer was a young woman -super nice, patient & laid back -tamara? plain old garter stitch on sz 13 straight needles. cast on abt 19 or 20 or 21. a nice wool...have to look for the brand & style. i get alot of compliments on this scarf. it's all stretched out from wearing it all the time

1st prayer shawl

i crocheted this shawl following a pattern from lion brand http://www.lionbrand.com/patterns/chs-triangleShawl.html

i used lion brand homespun in colonial. this is the first time i didn't change anything from the instructions. it didn't turn out quite the way i envisioned and so i didn't give it away as planned. i wanted something a little wider so as to cover more on the arms. oh, i did knot the fringe to make it a little more interesting -6 strands each fringe. knot three from the first bunch w/ three from the 2nd bunch; knot remaining 3 from 2nd bunch w/ 3 from the 3rd bunch, etc etc.

so i've been sitting here all day...

so what?!?

I have one thing to say abt today's demoralizing loss to Nebraska & it has nothing to do with the final score. Once again I find myself embarrassed to be affiliated w/ CU. No, I said it's not b/c of the loss. I can deal w/ that. My high school football team didn't have a winning season in the six years I attended (7th -12th). Loss to one's rival school? No prob.

Will someone PLEEEEEEEEZ teach these friggin' CU students how to behave in public?!?!?!? Throwing garbage on the field during the game necessitating clearing one whole section of the stands by the police?? C'mon now folks, that's just childish. Are these the same kids who were rioting on the hill a few years ago? Haven't they graduated yet? Haven't they learned some manners? I swear that should be a required class upon entrance to CU. "how to live away from home and still behave like a respectable citizen" or "your actions reflect on your school" or something like that. I hope to God that my kids NEVER partake in that kind of selfish behavior.

Makes me think twice abt sending DD1 there. Seriously.

"don't buy anything day"

Was it truly started by anti-consumerists? Or was it someone who didn't have $ to spend & therefore decided to not WANT to participate? Either way works for me. I can honestly say, I don't remember any time getting out there amongst the chaos. I'm sure I have been. It sounds exciting. All the "sales". The crowds. Who knows, if I had a pile of $ I might just be out there taking advantage of some bargains.

Last weekend Matthew Kelly made a good point "are you a consumer or are you consumed?" I think that will be my slogan for the new year. Mr. Kelly also said "you never can have enough of what you don't need" -as an explanation for the rampant consumerism in our society. I admit I too have been guilty of trying to deal w/ deeper issues through retail therapy. It never does solve anything. Just a little avoidance tactic.

As an adult, for a year, I lived in my old hometown. It's a very small blip on the map -Strattanville, PA. There was nothing there to spend $ at. Even in the neighboring slightly larger towns. No trendy national chain stores. Just the typical small town anchors like JC Penneys & Kmart. Quite a relief from "out there". Easy to not get caught up in consuming. Easy to not fall prey to our society's push to instill feelings of inferiority.

T.V. is the biggest perpetuation tool in that marketing scheme. How to get rid of the t.v. though? I know I personally wouldn't be sad to see ours go. It's not my t.v. And it's bigger than ever. Obnoxiously bigger. But it's not mine. So then there's cable. I didn't have cable before I moved here. I would miss DIY. But I'd be more productive w/o it anyway; you know, instead of watching projects on t.v, I'd spend more time actually doing them. Now we have the added feature of HD digital cable. I admit that the picture is clearer -on the 9 channels that are actually HD. But Comcast is now $15 dollars richer each month at my expense. It's just not as important to me as it is to someone else in this house.

class reunion

so tomorrow is my 20 year class reunion. I'm sad that I can't be there. Granted there are only abt 15 people out of 83 who rsvp'd to participate. But it would have been fun to see some people who were good friends then. Best friends even. I have mixed feelings, though. I feel like I am not in the best shape that I would want to be to see those folks. Nor am I doing w/ my life what I feel is "successful". I'm just me. Not that anyone would judge me for that. I'm my own harshest critic.

I suppose what I'm doing is a far more challenging & meaningful endeavor than paid work could ever be. But there's something to be said for at least a sense of control over one's future that money affords. Geez, I'm so conflicted. What is that term in psychology? It eludes me just now. I know that materialism isn't spiritual, soulful. Hell it isn't even fulfilling. It's just this black hole that keeps sucking & sucking & sucking. The never ending need to feed. Which in turn leads to a never ending whirl on the hamster wheel. Got to keep the cogs turning. BUT materialism is, oh I don't know, fun? fashionable? addicting.

Hanging w/ my kids isn't all too fun. Definitely not addicting. I get no material gratification. My gratification comes in small doses throughout the day, week, years. Spiritually, I suppose its true that my 'reward' will be to see all of my children grow up to be successful in whatever they chose to do. Like, I'll know I've done a good job if none of my kids seeks therapy b/c of something I did or said hahaha.

But I can't buy a new dress w/ the hard work & long hours I put in everyday here. etc etc etc etc.

So the question becomes how do I convey to my kids that life isn't always what you plan? Or that success isn't all about money? without subconsciously pass on to them my own disappointments or feelings of failure.

I must be doing something right, though. DD1 has stated on many an occasion (e.g. her myspace site) that I'm her hero. That's really the nicest compliment I've ever gotten.

Oh and one very good reason to be actually glad to not be @ the reunion? It's friggin' freezing out in PA.

throw out that timer!

I cooked the stuffing separate from the turkey -to expedite the roasting process as well as to cut down on some fat calories. Taking a cue from Alton Brown's book "I'm Just Here for the Food", I cooked the bird @ 500 for 30 mins. Lowered temp to 350. Put in the digital thermometer -one of the all time greatest cooking gadgets- and cooked until 161 in the thickest part of the breast. The 18 lb turkey took all of maybe 3 hours to cook through! And OMG!!! I believe it was the best roasted turkey I personally have ever made. Definitely the juiciest! Not one dry morsel. I'm telling you, the digital thermometer is the way to go.

So after slaving in the kitchen all day preparing everything (the bird was the least of the action), I finally get a chance to sit down & reflect on what I'm thankful for:

this house with an oven that is normal size & temperature

delicious food

good company

garrett changing diapers most of the day

garrett getting the girls to bed despite their protests

family -even though we don't all keep in contact so often

friends who are considered family

vacations -long or short-near or far

a good dog who is only naughty when she's bored

good health & my gym membership

front range weather

a glass of fine wine

ahem...correction necessary

there is a significant difference b/t 'the sexiest man alive' & 'the sexiest fantasy man alive". THIS is the sexiest man alive

what did I tell you?

FINALLY People magazine catches on...

"F**k 'em up, F**k 'em up, Go CU!"

I almost forgot my friend Kelly moved back to CO after a couple years in San Diego. There are more than 2 buffs in my life here in Denver. (poor G. just deal w/ it...we can't all be rose bowl bound this year). I know I'll be watching CU kick Cornhusker butt on Friday. Hopefully w/ a fellow alumna!!! Go Buffs!

picture of DD2

go to the link to DD2's school. go to gallery. go to 2nd grade performance 2005-11. the right hand picture is DD2 (center, blue shirt) laughing at a flub during the performance.

That's no fair -two buffaloes in the same house....

or so G replied when Snick WAS ACCEPTED TO CU!!!!!!! She found out last week & is getting everything in order for financial aid & housing, etc. She wants to live in Boulder (of course) even though I tried to convince her to commute. So I guess we'll see her on weekends or when the clean clothes get low -whichever comes first. It's very exciting!!! I don't know in which major she intends to enroll. Weehaw :)

Well good, it's only fair. Since G's good friend Mo is moving back next year, I'll have to deal w/ 2 USC fans (god it's hard to get over the friggin' EGO these undefeated team fans have). There will be another Buffs fan in my corner, too! hahahahaha (she laughs mockingly) Well, unless Snick decides to apply to Towson or Clark, which were her original choices.

just what I needed

Many thanks to my friend Deonne for 4 hours of mentally stimulating adult conversation last night. After listening to Matthew Kelly -catholic motivational speaker- we went to Village Inn. I drank way too much coffee for 9pm (the whole friggin' carafe!) & I purposfully left my cell in my car (all the better to be unhindered, my dear). And we just chatted about everything from the entirely serious problems of the world to the most mundane of daily life details. Ahhhhhhh I feel like a real person again.

next

i've finished knitting up the cell phone pouch & purse. quite pleased that i've learned a few new techniques in the process. now to felt them. i have yet to figure out how to crochet the "platter" to cover the buttons. will experiment some tonight. and then on to the prayer shawl.

oh oh oh i got my dressform yesterday. easy assembly this morning. i can't wait to use it. i've got some ideas and am waiting (im)patiently to start. there's a strapless dress for nikki -i'm envisioning a black matte satin w/ peridot tulle just peeking out underneath. and a woven wool/poly blend short jacket, 3/4 sleeves maybe some version of the black & peridot -if i can find it. what nikki wants is probably entirely different. and i want to do a shirt jacket out of a sweet brocade i found (for me). it's sooooooo exciting!

I know how Joan Crawford felt...

Have you ever had one of those days when the kids are taking turns crying about every little thing. The DRAMA is unreal. I'm talking EVERY little thing is magnified to end of days drama. I kid you not. I look at moms w/ boys and think that I'm glad I have girls b/c I wouldn't know what to do w/ boys. But these particular girls are about as close to boys as I can get w/o actually having boys. They are the most rambuncious, bouncing off the walls (literally) girls I have ever met. So would boys be less dramatic? Do boys have bad hair days? Maybe mine's a little different. She is the only child I've known to have bad hair days starting from the age of 3. Bizarre.

And they scream at each other in displeasure because they both want the same toy. Or one of them wants all of the same toys -say dolls- for herself. Of course the other was content to play puzzles until she saw there were no dolls left. All of a sudden the dolls are WAY more interesting than the puzzles. This leads to tug of war. More crying. Hitting. Maybe a bite. Pushing. More crying. Screaming in stereo. Mom sorts it out after letting them have a go. Neither will budge without prompting. Finally a few moments peace.

And then they screech to express excitement at all the things they find in their toddler minds to be slightly comedic. Everything from playing hide & seek to chasing the dog around the house w/ the doll stroller (poor cody). Screeches of pleasure riding on my very last nerve.

And it's inevitably the day that I have a migraine that we cycle through these amplified vocalized emotions. Not just one cycle. That might be tolerable. But all day, over & over again. They don't smell fear. Not these girls. They sense my pain & exacerbate it. Or maybe it's the day I haven't had enough sleep -undoubtedly b/c I was up all night w/ each child in turn. Or it's when I have fifteen million things to do and they want my every attention and they insist on having it by clinging to my leg or my arm or climbing in my lap.

So yes, I do understand to a lesser degree how someone like Joan Crawford could turn out to be so irrationally punitive w/ her own children. Those are days when I have to count over & over & over again. Deep breathing. Pray to have patience. Lock myself in the bathroom. Anything to regain a semblence of control over MY emotions. Meanwhile I wonder what was God thinking putting me in charge of these kids. I feel all too underqualified to be in this position of responsibility.

At the end of the day, though, I know it's just NOW. This moment in time. Tomorrow they'll be angelic. Or I won't have an excruciating headache. Or I'll pound more coffee. Soon enough they'll be grown out of this stage. They'll need less & less of my attention.

HOWEVER! Right now I have to get downstairs. I've been distracting myself successfully for long enough & the girls are being unusually quiet. Can only mean mischief. God help me. Deep breath.

one thing i'd buy if i could

TIME!

i hate to admit it, but i now have 3 projects going. i started a prayer shawl as a gift for my rcia sponsor. when our trip to ireland was getting closer, i started a gift for my "sister-in-law" (sorry to put it in quotes lindsay, but you know....) as a graduation present. i've just started a four week class @ the library working on a medium size felted purse & cell phone holder. so i guess the first two projects are on hold until the class is over. next i'd like to try my hand @ socks -nice xmas presents, i think. hats too. there are just so many projects i want to make & never enough time in the day!

and that's it for knitting. i have a shawl i'm crocheting with this beautiful ribbon. i can't quite get the instructions right so i keep ripping out to start anew. maybe if i had more than 10 minutes at a time to sit down, i might figure it out. hmmmm, maybe have to put that one on hold for the next few years! hahaha!

finally, i've got a fleece robe to sew. actually, i had started it for nikki! when she was younger but never finished b/c school absorbed most of my time -free or otherwise. weeeeeeeell, i've been out of school for 4 years now! and the robe will fit maddie very nicely -when i finish it. of course, if i wait long enough it'll fit fiona or lib hehehehe.

Madster holds up the sky during the play

Madster playing drum during "che che kule"

2nd grade Bringing the Rain to Kapiti Plain performance. DD2 smack dab in the middle

"Halloween 2005" starring DD3 as a princess, DD2 as a banshee, DD4 as a shy steeler fan, G as proud papa, six assorted jack o'lanterns. missing from photo cody as a fairy pup

here let me help you with that

ewwww pumpkin guts

fearless DD3...pumpkin guts -not a problem

this girl should open her own studio....

did I mention that not only is she 1/2 of Ireland's cutest couple, and recent master's grad from Galway NUI, she is also Ireland's finest photographer . Thank you Aunt Linz!

a little ham nevertheless 

Lybia was just a little bored & not as cooperative as the other girls

share? 

moment of action in the life of a daredevil caught forever in a still shot 

hooray! 

must remember to photoshop out the lucozade stains lol 

I think she really enjoyed this...maybe we should do it more than 1X year 

as is this...this is the I'm trying not to smile look 

this is a typical Princess Fi face