In response to the NYTimes article by Judith Warner http://www.nytimes.com/2005/11/27/weekinreview/27warner.html? Having read her book "Perfect Madness: Motherhood in the Age of Anxiety", I wondered what her most recent opinion is regarding parenting.
I was quite excited to read her book; there was a wonderful write up in Parenting magazine which led me to believe Ms. Warner would prove to be an insightful observer of parenting in the US compared to parenting in Europe (France, in particular). What a shame her opinions are primarily based on "mom as victim of society" mentality. Hell, I could've written a book in friggin' h.s. if all it took was idealistic, utopian solutions for an epidemic mindset that plagues our society and a lot of fingerpointing at the government. I mean, if you feel like a taken for granted cab driver b/c you drive your kids to 15 different activites everyweek, don't enroll them in 15 activities. If you're exhausted at the end of the day b/c you've made yourself the indispensible entertainment for your child, please direct the blame inwardly. Don't teach your kids that there's nothing more to life than competition. If you don't like the rat race, get off the wheel already. It's that simple. I do believe the basic premise of republicanism is privitization of anything related to social service. Ideally, if you want government to take care of your social needs, move to a socialist country. Don't expect compassion from a US government whose main concern is military and big business. But don't get me started.
So then I read the article. I tried to not have any expectations as to good, bad or otherwise. Same drivel, really. Kids are rude b/c their parents are overworked and too tired to reprimand them. Kids are rude b/c they're just so precious to mid-life parents and god forbid those precious kids should be hurt by expectations of better behavior. Get over it already. Kids are rude b/c parents are indulgent. Kids are rude b/c parents don't DEMAND better behavior. Kids are rude b/c parents are too self-absorbed to give a damn or even be aware of what said kids are doing/saying. Lets get to the point here. Rude people will inevitably reproduce rude children.
As a child, I knew indulgent parents of friends. I also knew of punitive parents. These different parenting styles will beget different personalities in children. I may be tired & overworked, but it's still my responsibility to raise my children to be kind, generous, mannerful people.
It's the rudeness we're talking abt. I just don't remember such rude behavior from ADULTS. Road rage. Name calling. Fist fights at youth sport games. Everyone out for themselves. Not only is chivalry dead. So is common courtesy, it seems. There is a decorum of civility missing from our lives these days that I remember from my childhood.
I partially blame the media; you know, t.v. is evil. But the responsibility ultimately lies within. Blurring the line between fiction on the tube and the reality of life is a choice. The decision to be rude to one person makes the next rude act that much easier, etc etc until it becomes habit. It takes conscious effort to not allow another person's rude behavior towards me influence my behavior towards others.
Personally, I believe that unless my life or property are in danger, I'm not wasting my time & energy honking at a rude driver who is obviously oblivious anyway. Seriously, the only person who can hear one cursing at another driver is the passenger in one's car. Life is too short to waste being retributive. Karma is real. What goes around comes around. I just need to sit back and let it happen. No action necessary from me.
Hopefully my own children will learn to give the benefit of the doubt. (Maybe that speeding, weaving motorist is rushing to the hospital. Maybe that angry man has some issues at home to deal w/. And you know that being mean is not okay?) And they'll learn to let another motorist in front. And they won't be rude to salespeople, nurses, teachers: I demand that they be kind to others. (are mine the only toddlers who say please & thank-you & you're welcome to each other unbidden?!). My kids will have learned that it's okay to admit being wrong. And saying sorry is not an option. I have reprimanded other people's kids, and will continue to do so as the need arises.
So don't tell me that children are ruder than in the past. It's adults who are ruder and who teach children to be so or not.
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