love/hate relationship pt 3

Hmmm, so that's the "love" part of the relationship. I get that even keel, chill attitude, pretty much all day, every day. And that's good for everyone, right? I'd agree, except here's the "hate" part of the relationship.

At the outset of taking this drug, I'm beat. All the time, tired & yawning & eyes tearing. I want to just sleep for inordinate amounts of time. It's not even so much "want" as "can't keep my eyes open". Thankfully I'm not working right now, or I'd be falling asleep at work. Yes, I would. I'd compare it to a mild form of narcolepsy, except I don't just fall asleep randomly. But I could fall asleep at will. Now, for someone like me who often finds herself wide awake with insomnia for days on end, this should sound heavenly. And I guess it could be. But I have things to do, people to see, places to go, so sleeping all day puts a damper on accomplishing anything for about the first week or so. At some time in the 2nd or 3rd week, I start to feel "normal", & by that, this time, I mean "not sleepy all the time".

Another aspect of the "hate" side of things: Prozac kills every ounce of creativity in me. I don't want to write. I don't want to sew. I don't want to paint. I don't want to read. I don't want to cook -as in create my own recipes. I don't want to snap pictures. I don't want to blog -hence the 3 month hiatus, see? I don't mind knitting, but I think that's because it's so meditative & really takes no extraordinary thought process. And if you know me, you know I HATE not being able to express myself creatively.

So then, I get no highs, no lows, no creative juices flowing. And no sex. That's correct. Absolutely no interest in it whatsoever. And I'm a Scorpio, for crying out loud! It's a sad state. Gah!

I feel like there's something else that I'm missing here. But really, those are probably the most important pros & cons. Oh, I remember now. Headaches. I get serious headaches recently & I'm attributing that to the meds. More on that later.

Truth be told, Prozac makes for a kind of boring existence. Honestly, boring. After a while I miss being able to be really giddy, happy. Or even to be good & pissed off when necessary. Instead, everything is a-okay. Not a bad attitude to have & actually, as I said before, more like how I used to be. It's a relief to not feel "out of control", but really, am I "in control"??

TBC