at this very moment I was in Boulder Community Hospital. Just getting into hard labor. And it was hard. I had been at the hospital in the morning but they sent me home b/c my room wasn't ready yet. So we went home to walk along the creek & returned in the early evening. Snick and my good friend Sandy were my birthing assistants. We hung out, played cards, the usual waiting for baby to arrive kind of stuff. Had some good tunes playing in the background -a little Bob Marley, some Dead, the Allmans, good stuff. Mickey Hart's "Music To Be Born By" was reserved for the later, heavier moments. The hours passed & contractions were normal & getting stronger.
Nikki & I lounged in the jacuzzi bathtub for awhile -she in her bathing suit & I in my birthday suit (no pun intended). The day turned to night & the contractions were stronger but my water hadn't broken so the midwife -who was just incredible- helped things along. That's when the contractions really kicked in. And all night. We walked. We danced. Unbelievably Nikki slept through all of the hard labor -all the screaming and fussing. The sun rose & I was pretty wiped out, but we weren't done yet.
As the baby was making her (or his) way out, every time I had a contraction her (or his) heart rate dropped to 60. Not a good thing. AND s/he was coming out sunnyside up. Yeah. PAINFUL. Doctor was called in to help b/c of the danger to baby's life. It was the longest, hardert, most arduous hour of my life, it seemed. Finally, at nearly 6:30 a nurse woke Nikki and baby girl was welcomed to the world.
She was blue. Blue. I couldn't even hold her b/c they whisked her away to the corner of the room to the warming table. I was crying & sweet Nikki's asking "why are you crying, mom? The baby's born...." And I could hear the Peds nurses hitting the baby & saying "c'mon breath. c'mon little one you can do it." And I'm crying. And I'm empty. And my arms are empty. It was a tense moment -didn't last too long, though it seemed an eternity. Finally baby was breathing & crying & had an oxygen mask on, which they removed momentarily so we could briefly meet, baby & mom. And they rushed my baby off to the nursery for some intensive attention. They thoughtfully asked Nikki to go with her new little sister. I was alone. And empty. And happy. And sad.
Nikki came back w/ a polaroid of the newborn. Madeleine. She looked like she had been in a car accident, she was so mottled & bruised looking & she had wires coming from all over, the poor thing. But she was alive & healthy. She had to stay in the nursery that day & over night for observation. I can't even imagine how it would be for someone to lose a baby or to have a NICU baby who has to stay in the nursery for days & weeks. It was a harrowing enough experience for me to have just a glimpse into another mother's life.
So today, 6 June 2007, was a big day for a girl who would've been named Sean Matthias. First, the Bess Beetle called Diamond passed away from causes unknown. It was heartbreaking for an almost 9 year old, nevermind that it was a BUG. THEN she lost her front right canine. So life kind of balanced itself out. Zen of childhood. Now she's sleepless in Denver. Restless b/c it's all so exciting -birthday tomorrow. Tooth fairy tonight. But then there's the 100MPH winds whipping down the street, making noises in every window crack & much rustling outside -all concerning things to someone who is adverse to the dark. And she has an opportunity -don't know how big- to compete in the Western Regionals Oireachtas on the under 12s mixed ceili team in Los Angeles. Could be that she'll be competing in the Fall Feis. She's already stated that she wants to try individual competition in the Long's Peak Feis in Sept. Exciting & important stuff...who could sleep on a night like this?!
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