grumbly in my tumbly

Ash Wednesday. So I find out in my internet research -trying to find lenten activities for the girls- that not only is it an official No Meat day, it's also a day of fasting. You know, it's been a long long time since I actually chose to forego food. You may remember back in the day when I was the cafeteria's "ethiopian poster child" as named by my friend & classmate Lisa Steele. I saw a picture of me from '96 & even then I looked drug thin. Ew. And get this, in my 20's I actually contemplated having some liposuction done. OMG! What would they have had to lipo??? Talk about distorted body image.

These days I'm looking healthy, to be sure, albeit a few baby pounds more than I'd like to be. And then there's this thing today. How in the world did I ever get to be one of those teenage girls who doesn't eat? It's only 10am & I feel like I'm starving!!! And I have the whole rest of the day to go until dinner!

I was listening to this episode on BBC Women's Hour about pro-anorexia websites (I'm sure my parents are quite thankful that I didn't have that as encouragement.) It got me to thinking about when exactly did I get over the whole eating disorder phase? I would have to say that it was from hanging out with G who has no problems eating -none whatsoever. So I ended up eating like him; big portions, junk food -the man has a serious sweet tooth- eating at night, the whole nine yards. It is really no mystery why I haven't been able to get back into my pre-pregnancy clothes. I don't ever want to get to be that high school skinny again. But it would be heavenly to get back into the pre-Fiona healthy shape that I was. Back when, much to Nikki & Maddie's chagrin, we didn't have a lot of junk food nor soda in the house. But how to convince a manly man with a bottomless appetite that we would all benefit from such a pantry? Then again, junk food tastes good. Especially right now it would taste good. Real good. Lots of it too. I'm salivating as I type. Must. stop. thinking. of. food. I've even turned into an emotional eater as of late. And one of those mindless munchers. When I'm hungry I can just stand in the kitchen & eat whatever looks good as I'm rummaging through the fridge. I think I'll stay out of the kitchen until dinnertime. Then again, I do have to feed the youngsters. ARGH. I've also morphed into one of those mom's who eat off their kids' plates during & after dinner.

Yikes. Seeing it all out here in writing is quite the eye opener. So does this count as a lent confession. Looks alot like gluttony to me. Well add that to the ever growing list of reasons I won't be a saint anytime soon (not to mention that I'm not dead). (The thought that Maddie considers ME as saint material still blows me away).

Here's a not food thought: I'm getting a new dishwasher today! Yeah! It's my "Valentine's present". Luckily I'm fairly practical & wasn't too very put off by the idea of an household appliance as a gift.