more to 19 May

one smiles pretty for the camera even though she doesn't care for hiking; the other whispers "geez, do I have to be here?"
my favorite part of the hike up to the 1st Flatiron. Doesn't it look like a giant just put some rocks down for his landscaping?


Yesterday we went to Boulder to take Snick her bed, see her new apt., and go for a hike @ Chautauqua. Also it was our good friend V's bday. Don't forget I had that Lisa Gerrard show in the evening. Snick's apartment is just fine for a first time away from home/dorm room abode. They're right off the bus line and right on the bike path. Campus is just across the street. They have a pool too, the lucky dogs!

The hike was mahvelous despite the late start & despite Madster's usual drama & newfound "dislike" of hiking. I have to say, the last time I went to Chautauqua was probably 5 years ago. We didn't get to the top, but we did get fairly high up. Fi hiked the whole way up w/ no complaints. I'd say she had a great time. Lib rode up in the pack on my back & enjoyed the view with a "ooooh" or "wow" or "mom be careful" quietly spoken in my ear every once in a while.

I have to say, it was one of the most enjoyable days I've experienced in a long time. Like, one of the best in 5 years. Right up there with the trip to London or Paris or back home for Denise's wedding.

And what's wrong with that, you ask? Nothing except it was a reminder to me of how much I really miss living in Boulder. I never wanted to live in Denver. I say that all the time, but I've never really been able to explain it. Tonight I remembered a time -10 years ago- when I had some friends who moved from Clarion to Denver. We had all made a Spring Break trip to Boulder the year before. I could not for the life of me understand why they would want to move to Denver & not Boulder. I mean, why move to Denver when you could move to PGH & have the same type of life. The two cities aren't that much different really. In fact, one could move to anycity USA & have pretty much the same experience. But Boulder. Now that's a different song altogether. Hmmm, not only a different song, an entirely different genre.

Until now I've pretty much lived wherever I've wanted. Actually, I've never lived somewhere I DIDN'T want to be. Until now. So tonight I remembered this curiousity from 10 years ago & consider what my life was like 5 years ago b4 I moved to Denver. UGH! I hate living in the city! And I don't know if moving to a smaller city/town would be the answer. I just really really really miss living in Boulder. You know those quizzes that ask "if you could change one thing in your past, what would it be?" and you know so many people say "nothing; I wouldn't change a thing b/c to change one thing would be to change everything" or some such b.s. I'm here to tell ya that I WOULD indeed change just one thing & that would be to never have moved from Boulder (or at the least, Boulder County). It would change a few things presently, sure, but only for the better.

I miss living minutes from the mountains. I miss being able to walk or bike to the mountains. I miss the schools. I miss being around like-minded folks. I miss being able to walk or bike anywhere or everywhere I need to be. I miss the Creek. I miss the bike path along the creek (Cherry Creek just doesn't compare). I miss Pearl St. mall. I miss trail running up Chautauqua. I miss the hippie atmosphere -albeit there is far too little of it left. I miss drum circles. I miss hearing the hourly bells @ Mackey. I miss recycling everything -not just ones & twos & newspaper. I miss the culture, the arts, the academia, the food, the sound of Boulder Creek in the evenings, the politics. They say you can never go home again. But why? Why can't I go back? I don't want to go "back" so to speak b/c I wouldn't want to go back in time. But I don't enjoy living in Denver. It's merely an existence, see, and one that is not what I want for my life or for my kids. Life is too short to be miserable. But how do I exchange what I have now for what I really want? Get over it? Deal with it? Enjoy the life I have now? Be grateful for what I've got? I suppose. And I am grateful. But how do I get used to a life that is less than what I know life could be? I mean, once you've eaten brie on a daily basis, how do you go back to eating cheesefood? Don't like that analogy? How 'bout this one: After driving a porche for 5 years, how do you go back to driving a ford?